Look...Mercury In Retrograde...Whaddaya Mean Mars Too?!

~Mercury-December 26, 2009 -January 15, 2010

~Mars- December 20, 2009 - March 10, 2010 

Today marks the beginning of Mercury Retrograde and will be with us until January 15th. The word retrograde simply means “moving backward” or “retreating.” In its astronomical language, a planet is said to be retrograde when, from the viewpoint of Earth... it stops and then moves backward in its orbit. The effect has been likened to driving down the road watching a moving car beside you....if it slows down or your car speeds up, the other car appears to be moving backward.

 A change in speed has nothing to do with a planet going retrograde. The illusion of backward motion occurs because the angle of a planet’s orbit relative to Earth’s orbit changes at certain points in their respective cycles. Three or four times a year,(four this year) for a period of 20 to 28 days each time, Mercury exhibits this effect.

Mercury in retrograde periods are said to be fraught with misunderstandings, confusion, and indecision. Delays in communication (for example, a misdirected package or a failure to return a call) are common, as are distractions and a frequent need to rework or redo things you create. Mercury retrograde is also blamed for malfunctions of every kind—cars breaking down, computers crashing, and answering machines going kaput for no apparent reason and with greater frequency than usual. Oh boy... As if I were not challenged enough already?!

Mars goes retrograde about every two years and two months, on average, making it a fairly rare event and the least frequent of all the planets. During this time, our approach to conflict, hostility, anger, assertiveness and taking action often requires rethinking, regrouping and reevaluating.

 You may be required to draw on your strengths to assert yourself in some area where you've been reserved, cautious or inexperienced. The weakest links in your life may break apart or need to be repaired. You might need to find new ways to become empowered.

So, what is Mars energy? A big part of Mars' energy is about anger and aggression. Under Mars retrograde, we may be confronted by issues involving these emotions, either within ourselves or through others. During the retrograde phase, we may be unusually sensitive to disagreement, conflict and power dynamics in the world around us. We might encounter a need to examine how we deal with aggression, and then integrate the powerful forces of human nature into our lives in some new way.


Wow, looks like it's going to be a bumpy ride folks...buckle up!

Serenity Sunday

in·cite (in sīt′)

transitive verb incited -·cit′ed, inciting -·cit′·ing

* to urge to action; stir up; rouse: to spur on.

(from Merriam-Webster dictionary)

My List:


1.) My kids


To those who have ...


2.) Those who have inspired me...

3.) Those who have made me think...


4.) Those who have caused me to question...


5.) Those who have moved me to tears


6.) Those who have dared me to dream...


7.) Those who have told me I could...


8.) Those who have helped me along the way...


9.) Those who have given me insight...


10.) Those who have made me angry...


Thank you, for without you, I would not be who I am today.

Tarot Shadow Work- Repression

This week I'm going to address the second most popular coping skill...Repression or affectionately referred to as "Out of sight, Out of mind." This has got to be my personal favorite coping skill that I adopted growing up. If it was too emotionally painful, I would always stuff it so far down that if it wasn't right in my face, I could possibly get through my days without too much trauma. The only problem with this is...whatever you have stuffed,  will eventually fester and float to the surface.

Repressed memories and experiences have an uncanny ability to remain in our subconscious "Shadow" realms and will emerge in various types of destructive, often violent behaviors. Why do we put ourselves through this...? Well, speaking from personal experience, it was what my mind had to do to survive the trauma of the time but now, as an adult there is no need to continue to stuff my issues and trust me, the older you get  the harder it is to even  realize that you are repressing things...becoming an unconscious habit.

Taking the twenty one Major Arcana, I again shuffled and kept in mind memories that I may have repressed. I pulled the Judgement card which Shadow Qualities include: having a harsh inner critic, being too hard on myself, having value judgments that keep me stuck in the same place and failing to be merciful and forgive myself or others. I almost always give others the benefit of doubt but seldom grant myself the same courtesy...why is that you may ask? I think it all comes down to the messages I received from the adults in my life when I was a child. 

My mother ( for one) had a way of conveying her displeasure at my sometimes childish antics or ideas and deep down it gave me the impression that I must always live up to her adult ideal that, at best, was unattainable to me as a child. To this day I refuse to accept my limitations or I set very unrealistic ones for myself , to the point that I doom myself for failure. I tried to live up to this image that I thought would please my mother but always fell completely short of the mark and when it caused me emotional issues and anger, I would stuff it and walk it off. 

Years later, this ideal  that my mother has for me still exists and the only healthy thing I could do for myself was to lovingly remove myself from that situation. I still mourn the absence of a mother/daughter relationship but the wonderful connection that I have with my children helps to fill that void. Looking back with my adult eyes, I tell myself often that it was okay to think like a child because I was one...I did have odd ideas (from the adults viewpoint) but it's okay because that's part of growing up.

 It lifts a huge weight off my shoulders and helps me realize that allowing myself to  feel emotions is good...I would not be human if I didn't and it's okay to cry, it's okay to be angry...being myself is okay!  I won't say all of my skeletons will fall out of the proverbial closet at once but it's a great start.

Tarot Shadow Work- Hidden Treasures

I was supposed work on my treasure chest  this last week...and once again, I failed miserably so I have decided that the show must go on and I will be talking about the card I chose to "take back my shadow."  This is the part of me that I need to recover ownership of once and for all.

I put all the cards into a rather ratty and very undecorated shoe box and as I mixed them up, I wondered just which one would find it's way into my hot little hand. All the cards were important as far as taking them back....I finally grasped one and pulled it out and saw that it was the Tower. Hmmm, how appropriate I thought...the Tower seems to be a symbol of my adult years from at least the age of twenty (on up to today, I pessimistically thought.)

The Tower Shadow qualities are building up false securities around me...sabotaging possibilities of new growth by ridgidly holding onto ideas or attitudes (a whole lot of attitudes in my case)...releasing pent up energy in an angry or destructive way. Wow, how do these cards know me so well?! In my twenties and almost all the way through my thirties, I was nothing but attitude and repressed energy. In my family, showing anger or any other "negative" emotions was highly frowned upon so I pretty much learned to suck it up and walk it off. My mom called it  having "A stiff upper lip"

The problem of creating such a volitile Shadow was that I was missing out (for many years),  on the Shadow Gifts that the Tower had to offer. Looking back on "the lost years" I see that I could have been breaking down all the unhealthy beliefs I had learned living in an alcoholic home...exersizing my free choice...  finding my own inner strength and living my life the way I saw fit rather than choosing to go with what I thought others wanted from me.  I'm learning to be happy with who I am, I am strong...I am able to make wise choices based on a firmer grasp of what reality is instead of what I'd like it to be.

It's so easy to get lost on what is really important in life and the Tower should not be looked upon as   a terrible, cataclysmic event but the goddess putting us firmly back on track and  thus making it possible to live up to our highest potential.

Tarot Shadow Work- Clarity And Insight

This week is the fourth  position in the Star of Discovery and the card  is The Hermit. What an awesome card for me but at the same time a handicap as well. The Hermit is all about fear of isolation and boredom and even more scary for me is the Shadow quality of cutting myself off from the world because of my misanthropic tendancies...this is exactly the situation that I find myself in today. I seem to be caught in the merry go round of disdane for most of humanity yet needing that social interaction and it's left me somewhat crippled when I need to get out into the world and join the rest of my fellow human beings.

I think that I got the idea from childhood that most people were going to let me down, be less than honest with me and eventualy just take off and leave, I know this sounds totally irrational but deep  in my little brain, my chilhood of  an alcoholic/co-dependant atmoshere  left  scars that to this day are extremely difficut to overcome let alone address sometimes.

My anger, which lies very close to the surface, has a way of popping out when it's least convienient for me to express. What caused this anger? Many things contributed to it and it's hard to pick just one instance but to look at the whole picture I would have to say the lack of control I felt I had when I was young and maybe I took it to the extreme and automatically assumed it was always going to be that way so shove the world away before it has a chance to shove me away first. Again, not very rational but very easy to think when looking at from a child's perspective.

I am an adult now and it's time to realize that just because "daddy went away" and mama was a distant woman (and these abandonment issues) does not mean everyone I encounter will react the same way. Putting that realization into action is another story however.  I'm still working on that but just to see the whole picture is a good start for me. I continue to grow and understand where I came from and where I am headed  gives me a sense of peace and finally comfortable in my own skin. I am indeed a survivor!

Tarot Shadow Work- Anger

The fourth position on the Star of Discovery deals with anger, the anger that is felt towards another that reflects our own anger and/or rage issues. The card that I drew for this position is The Devil. Shadow attributes of the Devil are failure to love ones self...being too serious about life...the inability to play and sexually repression.

Anger is usually always fear in disguise and position four is indeed frightening for me. I was taught as a child that expressing anger was inappropriate as well as acting silly... daydreaming and talk about anything that remotely had to do with the "S" word...you know... sex!. I'm not sure why these emotions were not acceptable or why my mother thought that sex was such a bad or naughty subject, I never really have asked her why but it seemed like being in control of myself was something I always had to remain vigilant about.

It wasn't polite to act out in public or touch things that were not mine but somewhere along the line any type of behavior that most children exhibit was frowned upon and one look from my mom and I knew I was treading on dangerous ground. It stunted me as I grew up and have always felt the irrational need to keep myself under control even if it meant at the cost of my opinion, freedom of expression or the natural human need for intimate contact. (that dreaded "S" word!)

That belief hindered my first marriage as I was unable to truly understand and practice intimacy on a normal level and I think it may have even been the root issue that led to my divorce. Life is a journey... a learning process.. and it becomes very rocky and unclear if we do not have a healthy foundation to base emotional responses on. I am still learning and growing and thank the goddess daily for guidance and her subtle way of pointing me in the right direction.