Tarot Shadow Work- Clarity And Insight

This week is the fourth  position in the Star of Discovery and the card  is The Hermit. What an awesome card for me but at the same time a handicap as well. The Hermit is all about fear of isolation and boredom and even more scary for me is the Shadow quality of cutting myself off from the world because of my misanthropic tendancies...this is exactly the situation that I find myself in today. I seem to be caught in the merry go round of disdane for most of humanity yet needing that social interaction and it's left me somewhat crippled when I need to get out into the world and join the rest of my fellow human beings.

I think that I got the idea from childhood that most people were going to let me down, be less than honest with me and eventualy just take off and leave, I know this sounds totally irrational but deep  in my little brain, my chilhood of  an alcoholic/co-dependant atmoshere  left  scars that to this day are extremely difficut to overcome let alone address sometimes.

My anger, which lies very close to the surface, has a way of popping out when it's least convienient for me to express. What caused this anger? Many things contributed to it and it's hard to pick just one instance but to look at the whole picture I would have to say the lack of control I felt I had when I was young and maybe I took it to the extreme and automatically assumed it was always going to be that way so shove the world away before it has a chance to shove me away first. Again, not very rational but very easy to think when looking at from a child's perspective.

I am an adult now and it's time to realize that just because "daddy went away" and mama was a distant woman (and these abandonment issues) does not mean everyone I encounter will react the same way. Putting that realization into action is another story however.  I'm still working on that but just to see the whole picture is a good start for me. I continue to grow and understand where I came from and where I am headed  gives me a sense of peace and finally comfortable in my own skin. I am indeed a survivor!