Anxiety Show Thy Face

Last week, I started working with the Star of Discovery in "Tarot Shadow Work, using the dark symbols to heal" and the first position was the Tower. This week I will move on to the second position called Anxiety which questions "When do I get nervous, anxious, touchy or sensitive with others?" The card I drew for this point of the star is The World.

The shadow keywords for this card are missing the joy of the moment; looking for happiness outside yourself; wishful thinking; not taking charge of your life and it's choices and hanging on to the past. looking back on my childhood, I can see how these shadows developed but had never addressed them and let them follow me and become larger. I now must fill in the blanks about how fear has caused me to feel anxious.

My anxiety is an issue that I've struggled with for far too long and upon examining that fear I have come to realize that it likes to rear it's head when my routines or habits are interrupted or threatened. I absolutely hate change, probably because as a child there was so much of it and I was never really sure when or how it might occur. As an adult I must accept the fact that life is constantly changing and evolving and often is for my benefit whether I want it or not.

I must realize that when I feel anxious or sensitive around others it's time to step back and think to myself why I might be reacting this way...is it an issue of change that I am trying to resist?.....are there repressed feelings that I'm trying to avoid? I do carry a great deal of sadness but have always thought that the old adage "Time heals all wounds..." applied and sooner or later I would be able to look back on the once painful memories and eventually they would not hurt so much.

I think this card and it's position might take me a couple weeks so I will probably mull these things over and blog next week on anything new I may discover about myself.

Out Of Control

In any recovery process, we learn about ourselves and how to come to terms with addictions, abuse and neglect issues. Sometimes we are not able to even recognize that there might be damaged areas within ourselves that need this healing process. Most often this part of our self is called "the inner child," Carl Jung referred to it as our "divine child" but whatever we choose to refer to it as, until we start this healing process we will struggle with unresolved issues and conflicts.

In her book "Tarot Shadow Work, using the dark symbols to heal," Christine Jette discusses ways to discover this inner child or shadow as it is called in her book, by using the major arcana to bring to our conscious mind those shadows that have followed us since childhood. By using six cards from the Major Arcana in the layout of a star, she encourages us to examine areas in need of healing.

I did this activity myself recently and I will share the first positional card I layed down, The Tower. This cards shadow meanings include avoidance of change, being conventional to the point of being rigid, seeking permanence in impermanent things and destroying the possibility of new growth by rigidly holding on to ideas or attitudes. The positional question is "Denial, what negatives or positives do people point out to me that I have trouble accepting?" Whew! Now that's a huge can o' worms there buddy!

When meditating on this card and the question, it suddenly came to me that I have always hung on to my outdated ideas or beliefs instead of taking the time to examine why I was even holding on so tightly...which leads me to the "fear of change" shadow meaning. I consider myself to be a survivor after living through a tumultuous childhood but never really caught on that sometimes change is good and the false sense of security I created by keeping these ideas, always led to the Tower effect...imaginary securities came crashing down around my ears and I was left not knowing why.

The problems or conditions that I avoid (like the plague, I might add) are those that force me to change...almost as if I might have some sort of control over these changes that are for the better just because I had no control as a child. I must realize that as an adult, the Universal Mind knows exactly what I need and if I would just let go of that false sense of control, I might find my life richer and more fulfilling.

Fear Not The Devil

This is one of three cards in the tarot deck that have a tendency to strike fear in the hearts of those who's reading it turns up in...The Devil. This card, despite the depiction, is really not all that scary if you know a little bit more about it.

The Devil in the tarot deck has little or nothing to do with the frightening winged skeletal creature, in fact, this card is all about bondage...bondage to outmoded ideas that are no longer useful...bondage as in addictions....bondage to our weaknesses and bondage that comes from letting our boundaries be crossed without respect.

When I look at the two little figures that are chained to the pillar, one can only notice that if these little animals really wanted to, they could quite easily slip from the chains that hold them. Why do they stay...is it out of duty...is it out of fear....? Change is a life altering event but if we continue to sit in fear and remain chained to the old ways, what a sad lonely life lies ahead of us.

It takes greater courage to shed our fears and take bold new steps to improving our situation and our outlook on the world because if we can change our own world, what's to stop us from enacting that change in the world around us? Try something positive and new today and see how it affects the world around you.

It Takes Strength.....

*Higher Power, grant ME the Serenity to Accept the THINGS I Cannot Change.

(Addictions and the Destruction they Cause!)

*The courage to change the things that I can.

( Myself and the people I choose to Associate with In my Life!)

*And the Wisdom to Know the Difference.

( Putting the Responsibility and Guilt where it BELONGS, and LEARNING WHEN to Know the Difference!) *********************************************

This is known as the Serenity Prayer, I'm not sure if you are familiar with it or not but my best buddy who also practices the craft felt that it could be re-worked just a bit so that it would apply to a broader audience and therefore be accessable to all. I think it turned out very well and just had to share it with everyone...Thank you Coral!

My Lightbulb Moment!

I had been working with my cards this evening and on a whim asked them what is something that I need to apply in my life at this time....The card I drew was the Magician. To me he was letting me know that I have all the tools at my disposal already to change my perspectives and possible ruts I may be caught up in.
No one is responsible for the state of my outlook except myself so I put on a cheery face and soon began to notice I was feeling a much more positive state of mind!