Social Commentary- Bullies

* Bullying includes a wide variety of behaviors, but all involve a person or a group repeatedly trying to harm someone who is weaker or more vulnerable. It can involve direct attacks (such as hitting, threatening or intimidating, maliciously teasing and taunting, name-calling, making sexual remarks, and stealing or damaging belongings) or more subtle, indirect attacks (such as spreading rumors or encouraging others to reject or exclude someone).

* Almost 30% of youth in the United States (or over 5.7 million) are estimated to be involved in bullying as either a bully, a target of bullying, or both. In a recent national survey of students in grades 6-10, 13% reported bullying others, 11% reported being the target of bullies, and another 6% said that they bullied others and were bullied themselves.

What a terrible commentary of our youth today...even sadder is that parents are allowing this behavior to occur. I often ask myself why bullying is becoming more common and I have to wonder sometimes if it may have to do with the staggering amount of parents that have to work outside the home or even two jobs just to make ends meet? I think mostly is is a combination of factors and working parents are simply one example.

Take myself for example...I work out of my home to ensure that my two youngest children  have a firm foundation of what is right and what is wrong. Trust me, I'm not by any means saying that parents working outside the home are all wrong but what about those working parents that are aware of their bullying child but choose  to ignore this behavior and hope it will go away or just get to wrapped up in their own needs and wants, leaving their child to do as he/she wishes?

I am having  this issue right now...  my former roommate's 13 year old daughter has been singling out my eight year old. How many written complaints...how many calls to the local authorities (before my child gets seriously injured) is it going to take to stop this problem? Why is it that this parent has chosen to let this child get away with such deplorable behavior and sometimes even condoned it...? Even more sad, when did parents start acting the same age as their bullying child?

Ok, I'm stepping off my soapbox for now. I truly hope all the parents out there will sit down with their children and let them know that this is unacceptable and no one should have to live in fear.  To learn more about this topic and how to prevent it please visit Talk About It, a terrific website!

Tarot Shadow Work- Inferiority

The third position in the star of discover is inferiority. This is where I lack most confidence in my abilities and plays a key role in my adult life as it is now. The card that I drew for this position was The Moon, among it's shadow attributes are times of doubt and confusion about my feelings...my indecision and passivity...my avoidance of intense feelings and the constant feeling of everything being clouded or vague.

The question that I find myself pondering is "What event or situation from my past has helped this shadow grow...did my parents play a role?" My answer would have to be a resounding "Yes." As a child I was never really aware of how the adults and events in my life might shape my future but now, as an adult it is clear that by my mother's avoidance and codependency about my father's alcoholism as well as his suicide, all set the stage for me to see myself as inferior. In my childhood, I watched my parents' examples and heard their critical language and worked out in my childish mind that my needs and my wants were not as important as the irrational need to maintain some semblance of peace in a volatile, alcoholic home.

When my father made the choice to commit suicide, it was again reinforced in my nine year old brain that if I had been important to my father, he would have stuck around to watch me grow up. I still feel that odd twinge of resentment now and then that his selfishness over rode the fact that I saw him as a hero...someone who could do anything and had an air of super human talent.

In my adulthood now, I am able to confront these issues that I did not understand then and I realize my father's suicide and my mother's complacency did not have anything to do with me at all. The very nature of addiction can make perfectly rational and sane people act just as crazy if not more so that the person with the addiction. I had never even linked my inferiority issues back to my chilhood and how it might have made me who I am today but through examination of my shadow I can let all that misinformation and incorrect conclusions go. I can choose not to let that shadow control me anymore and that indeed is a very liberating feeling!

Food For Thought

Many years ago, my mother and I would endlessly butt heads about really silly things and over time, became estranged. For a long time I was so resentful before I realized that I could never be someone I was not just to appease my mother, I could only be myself and after many hard lessons, have become very comfortable in my own skin...blessed be the god and goddess for this revelation!

Anyhow...last week my mother made a rare pilgrimage from where she lives to our little neck of the woods in order to have lunch with my second eldest daughter Caitlin and drop off Christmas presents that she could not deliver due to our inclement weather as of late. At the lunch gathering my mother made small talk for a while and then suddenly inquired as to the welfare of my youngest two children Conor (9) and Meaghan (8) and myself.I was a bit surprised to say the least and Caitlin (bless her generous heart) told my mother that they were doing exceptionally well and I was very happy and doing fine too.

Caitlin then told my mother how beautiful Meaghan was growing up to be and out of my mother's mouth popped the remark " Your mother is very beautiful too" When Caitlin repeated this to me my jaw nearly detatched from my face and my eyes began tearing up.

Suddenly I became that shy little girl who would have done anything to hear those words from her mom and

I wasn't quite sure how to handle it! It took me so long to accept myself and become comfortable in my own skin and would have given away EVERY teddy bear I owned (and that was A LOT!) to hear those words long, long ago.
I guess my whole point is for every parent to know just how important it is to let your children know EVERY DAY that no matter what they do or who they become, they will always be acceptable and loved...