Tarot Tuesday

This morning, I drew an excellent card to represent this week with all the activities and preparations leading up to Samhain or Halloween. The World card tells us of completion, of everything coming together in fruitation. It represents reaching the goal, completing the journey..we have come to the end of one cycle and we are now ready for the next cycle.

The World represents  balance.. where all is right with the world... all is as it should be and everything has come together, in the right place.. doing the right thing... completing what we have envisioned and feeling fulfilled and complete. 

In this sense the World card also heralds new beginnings that naturally emerge out of the completion cycle. The "Old" date for Samhain occurs when the sun has reached 15 degrees Scorpio but most of us celebrate  Samhain (the witches New Year) on October 31st. This is a good time for us to look at wrapping up the old and preparing for the new in our lives. Think about the things we have done in the last twelve months.

Have you left anything unresolved...? What blessings have you harvested..?What do you need to thresh (leave behind) and start fresh...?. Once we've  gotten that  cleared away and out of our lives then we can begin to focus on  the next year and what we want to accomplish.

Tarot Shadow Work- The Gift Of Wisdom

This week, I'm working with the card Justice in conjuntion with the World card as I will be applying it to "The Gift of Wisdom." Wisdom is not something that you can buy from Amazon.com or something that we are born with, it comes from patience, stillness, listening and experiences....learning from our mistakes.

In the Star of Discovery, (card one) The World ...I am comparing it with the Justice card in position six, I find myself asking how does this apply to me? What is the gift that lies within the shadows? The Justice card's Shadow Qualities are "using only logic to make decisions...being out of touch with your Higher self and an "All or nothing" viewpoint." I, myself am very aware of the last on the list, I have always had a black and white outlook on life and it's situations.

The problem that comes with this mentality is that I tend to miss out on all the wonderful "grey" areas that life can offer. There are so many things that I have missed out on up until now and by working through this book, a whole new perspective has begun to unfurl before me.

I had the idea to draw another card that will represent aggression that I need to bring into my concious and drew The Empress. Her Shadow Qualities are inability to let go of relationships...feeling emotionally barren or separated....dwelling on pains from the past and holding on to destructive situations. I completely understand how I exhibit these qualities and by addressing them in my concious will allow me to become better aquainted with them.  I am not trying to 'fix" these aggressions at this present time but by bringing them out into the light, I am able to see them for what they are and how they became anchor's in the here and now.

After the events of the past week it all seems to be coming together and working on my shadow is beginning to blend into all aspects of my life and I'm happy to say that I am becoming a much better person and gaining in wisdom by leaps and bounds!

Tarot Shadow Work- The Pain

This week, we move to the fifth position in the Star of Recovery... pain. The card I drew is The Fool which has the shadow qualities of lacking playfulness, rigidity and not listening to your inner voice. I personally am terrible at trusting my instincts or "gut" feelings because I learned not to trust my judgment and rely on those adults around me for their assessment of any given situation. That kind of blind faith in others' leadership is not always a good thing as in my case of an alcoholic home. Perceptions and the general view of life were distorted and looking back, I did not realize how that would affect me as I grew older.

The World card, missing the joy of the moment, affected my ability to experience joy because I was always worrying about what was going to happen next...how do I prepare and will it be another drama filled  situation. This created a certain amount of rigidity within me and allowed me to feel a like I may have had a certain amount of control over what was taking place in my life. Hindsight shows this feeble attempt to control my surroundings followed me to this day and it's difficult to just stop and realize it's okay, nothing terrible is going to happen if I take time out and just have some fun.

The human spirit needs joy and playfulness in order to remain healthy and I really try to stop myself when that old tape recorder starts replaying all those old messages in my head. I am learning to grow and move past that pain and anger and just stop and smell the roses. Suppressing ones gut impressions and keeping such a tight reign on oneself can result in many ailments like ulcers, high blood pressure and even stroke. It robs you of that childlike ability to approach life from a playful perspective and can make you old before your time.

Next week is the sixth position...The Gift Of Wisdom

Tarot Shadow Work- The Present

I was going to continue with last weeks subject (the past,) but I think that I will forge on and talk about how my shadow affects me in my present day. Keeping in mind that the card I am comparing is The World (Chasing rainbows rather than living in the here and now) and the card in the third position of The Star Of Discovery,  Death.

Now, when most people see the Death card, images begin to flood the mind of a dimly lit little shop with jars of mysterious contents and a very spooky old gypsy reading fortunes and announcing that "There is great trouble ahead..." when in all actuality, Death simply means that one phase  or circumstance in your life is ending and a new one is beginning, bringing with it opportunities and choices that you may not have had before. In the Shadow meaning, Death represents blocking sad feelings, the mask that you wear and show to the world, staying stuck and an unwillingness to experience emotional pain.

Looking at these two cards together, it is glaringly obvious that in the "here and now" I have a tendancy to remove myself from any situation that may or may not cause me emotional pain and choose to occupy my mind with silly  trivial things rather than deal with it, heal and move on. I always chalked it up to my only child status but upon digging deeper, I believe the pattern started as a way to insulate myself from all the trauma and discord in my home life. When things got rough at home between my mom and dad, I often ended up at grandma and grandpa's  so that I could be away from the insanity but I think it may have set me up for a pattern of running away and hiding from emotional situations.

I'm a grown adult now, and I can look back upon those childhood year not with resentment or anger but a sense of "Ah Ha, that's why I react this way or that and I am able to grow and become stronger and more grounded. I don't regret anything I experienced as a kid because without those experiences in my life I would not be who I am today and I feel pretty darned good in my own skin!

Tarot Shadow Work- The Past

This week's Shadow Work was a real brain bender for me...I really had to dig deep and think about my past which was difficult for me due to the fact I had supressed and buried most of my childhood pain and resentments long ago... Which brings me to today's Shadow Cards... The World ..."Chasing a Rainbow -vs-The Challenge of Living in the Here and Now" and Judgement..."Paying the piper -vs-Rebirth."

These are the most loaded keywords that I have encountered to this date! While I completely understand how both of these Shadow Cards apply to me, I find it rather difficult to distinguish one from the other. To me, they are intertwined and to find the end of one Shadow simply leads me to the beginning of another and I feel as though I'm chasing my tail. It's strange to me how they depend on each other but at the same time I realize that if I can unravel the mystery, I can kill two birds with one stone.

As a child of an alcoholic home, dealing with reality (the World) was nearly too painful and almost hopeless as far as my choices went, so I had a very rich imagination and developed the ability and preference to be a "loner." Unfortunately this allowed me to cripple myself when in situations that I needed to relate to others on the same level. (Judgement) I felt and still do , even this day, very detached from others in my peer group.

I related very well to older individuals, because I was always mostly around adults (there wasn't too many kids my age that were close by, way out in the country) and when I turned 16, I made my living as a nurses aide in nursing homes and retirement facilities because it was a comfortable element for me. On a lighter note, I have four children and being an only child, it is near impossible to comprehend that whole sibling rivalry issue... It drives me insane!

Anyhow, back to the issue at hand...The frustrations and emotional losses ( like my father's suicide and estrangement from my mother) allowed me get stuck in loss and remained fixed in that loss as well as being an extremely harsh critic of myself and others rather than have a healthy ability to forgive past actions and being able to appraise myself and others realistically. I am able to look back now and see the past for what it was and within myself, as I work through this book, to forgive myself (and those around me) for real or imagined flaws and reflect that view where I might once have had a very black and white viewpoint.

Today's post was rather long, so I think that I will finish up a few random thoughts on this step next week.

Anxiety Show Thy Face (part deux)

Last week I blogged about the second position in the "Star of Discover" and my card was The World. Today, I wanted to continue in my journaling about this card and maybe add a few things mainly for my benefit but if it happens to be beneficial to others as well, that's great too.

The main subject I wanted to bring up about the Shadow Qualities of The World... is fear of restriction. I struggle a great deal with this issue...it's always been my motto that "Ask and I will be more that happy to acquiesce but if you tell me what to do I will dig in my heels and maybe do the complete opposite....because I can."

After thinking about this quality I thought to myself, what a terrible philosophy to have actually... A little cooperation goes a long way and I'm quite aware of this so why would I hang on to such a belligerent attitude? I think it all boils down to the idea that if I cannot control my world completely, then I have no control at all and without control firmly in my hands the anxiety is absolutely overwhelming. Whew.... That's a scary revelation!

There are, however, some Shadow Gifts that The World offers as well....rather that seeing where I have negative issues right now, I must realize that gifts can come out of this anxiety issue as well. I can see it as one cycle in my life ending and another more positive one beginning...within myself there is solid ground...I am a whole person, maybe not perfect but complete none the less... I can realize my goals and I can wear the world as a loose garment rather than letting life happen to me while I'm making other plans.