This week, we move to the fifth position in the Star of Recovery... pain. The card I drew is The Fool which has the shadow qualities of lacking playfulness, rigidity and not listening to your inner voice. I personally am terrible at trusting my instincts or "gut" feelings because I learned not to trust my judgment and rely on those adults around me for their assessment of any given situation. That kind of blind faith in others' leadership is not always a good thing as in my case of an alcoholic home. Perceptions and the general view of life were distorted and looking back, I did not realize how that would affect me as I grew older.
The World card, missing the joy of the moment, affected my ability to experience joy because I was always worrying about what was going to happen next...how do I prepare and will it be another drama filled situation. This created a certain amount of rigidity within me and allowed me to feel a like I may have had a certain amount of control over what was taking place in my life. Hindsight shows this feeble attempt to control my surroundings followed me to this day and it's difficult to just stop and realize it's okay, nothing terrible is going to happen if I take time out and just have some fun.
The human spirit needs joy and playfulness in order to remain healthy and I really try to stop myself when that old tape recorder starts replaying all those old messages in my head. I am learning to grow and move past that pain and anger and just stop and smell the roses. Suppressing ones gut impressions and keeping such a tight reign on oneself can result in many ailments like ulcers, high blood pressure and even stroke. It robs you of that childlike ability to approach life from a playful perspective and can make you old before your time.
Next week is the sixth position...The Gift Of Wisdom
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