Tarot Shadow Work- The Present

I was going to continue with last weeks subject (the past,) but I think that I will forge on and talk about how my shadow affects me in my present day. Keeping in mind that the card I am comparing is The World (Chasing rainbows rather than living in the here and now) and the card in the third position of The Star Of Discovery,  Death.

Now, when most people see the Death card, images begin to flood the mind of a dimly lit little shop with jars of mysterious contents and a very spooky old gypsy reading fortunes and announcing that "There is great trouble ahead..." when in all actuality, Death simply means that one phase  or circumstance in your life is ending and a new one is beginning, bringing with it opportunities and choices that you may not have had before. In the Shadow meaning, Death represents blocking sad feelings, the mask that you wear and show to the world, staying stuck and an unwillingness to experience emotional pain.

Looking at these two cards together, it is glaringly obvious that in the "here and now" I have a tendancy to remove myself from any situation that may or may not cause me emotional pain and choose to occupy my mind with silly  trivial things rather than deal with it, heal and move on. I always chalked it up to my only child status but upon digging deeper, I believe the pattern started as a way to insulate myself from all the trauma and discord in my home life. When things got rough at home between my mom and dad, I often ended up at grandma and grandpa's  so that I could be away from the insanity but I think it may have set me up for a pattern of running away and hiding from emotional situations.

I'm a grown adult now, and I can look back upon those childhood year not with resentment or anger but a sense of "Ah Ha, that's why I react this way or that and I am able to grow and become stronger and more grounded. I don't regret anything I experienced as a kid because without those experiences in my life I would not be who I am today and I feel pretty darned good in my own skin!