Tarot Shadow Work- Regression

Regression, if only I were young again...How often have I thought about better times long, long ago when all was right with the world and things were pleasant...*sigh*  Okay, reality check here, I'm rapidly approaching the big 44 here soon and if I  remember correctly, the good times were pretty darn crappy.  So, enough of the "Peter Pan" defense mechanism and the brief midlife crisis moment..

Do we find ourselves stuck in this type of thinking, where the situation we're in becomes so frustrating and stressful we find ourselves clinging to the wish that we could be young again...? Have we had any tantrums or stomped off with the threat of moving in with mother lately, simply because things did not go our way...? Have we looked in the mirror and discovered three new grey hairs, so off we went to the local grocery store to buy some hair dye that may or may not match the actual color of our hair as we remember it...?

These are all little ways of regressing and refusing to confront life's problems and assume responsibility for our choices in a futile attempt to control the hands of time. Looking at these behaviors as rational adults, we can see the immaturity and the fear behind it but how do we get to the point of moving past all these behaviors and reach the point in which our Shadow selves are no longer shadows?

In my case, I know what most of my weak spots are but there are those grey areas (and not on my head) that I still have issue with getting a grip on, like my temper. I love control... control is safe, if I don't have it, my temper flares up...I know what to expect when I'm in control and there are no surprises but do I really have control...The realistic answer is no, life is what it is and no man (or woman) is an island, especially myself. Taking the twenty two Major Arcana, I shuffle and concentrate on what I need to know about regression in my own life.

The card I drew is The Devil, who's shadow qualities are: Failure to love myself,having an issue with power (controlling or being controlled) and being too serious about life. These cards can be so uncannily accurate sometimes! Thinking about how this applies in my life right now, I can see that The Devil is trying to tell me that at this moment my issues with control are at play and offers me insight as to how I might address this in my current situation.

Change is inevitable and as much as I dislike change (understatement of the year) I must be flexible and adapt. I am forced to ask myself, "Why am I resisting this change and what made me thing that I may have any control over changes at all?"  The situation I recently moved away from was very stressful so those worn out old tapes  from childhood began to play in my head of a time when coping was not so easy to accomplish in the chaos of an alcoholic home.

I'm grown now, and there is no longer a need to feel in control... I am able to make choices for myself and I have the ability to make good, sound choices based on my understanding of life from an adult perspective. I am able to distinguish the positive changes from the kinds of changes that are unhealthy for me. It's not an easy road to walk but  taking one step at a time  is a great start and before I know it, those grey areas will become less and less grey.