Out Of Control

In any recovery process, we learn about ourselves and how to come to terms with addictions, abuse and neglect issues. Sometimes we are not able to even recognize that there might be damaged areas within ourselves that need this healing process. Most often this part of our self is called "the inner child," Carl Jung referred to it as our "divine child" but whatever we choose to refer to it as, until we start this healing process we will struggle with unresolved issues and conflicts.

In her book "Tarot Shadow Work, using the dark symbols to heal," Christine Jette discusses ways to discover this inner child or shadow as it is called in her book, by using the major arcana to bring to our conscious mind those shadows that have followed us since childhood. By using six cards from the Major Arcana in the layout of a star, she encourages us to examine areas in need of healing.

I did this activity myself recently and I will share the first positional card I layed down, The Tower. This cards shadow meanings include avoidance of change, being conventional to the point of being rigid, seeking permanence in impermanent things and destroying the possibility of new growth by rigidly holding on to ideas or attitudes. The positional question is "Denial, what negatives or positives do people point out to me that I have trouble accepting?" Whew! Now that's a huge can o' worms there buddy!

When meditating on this card and the question, it suddenly came to me that I have always hung on to my outdated ideas or beliefs instead of taking the time to examine why I was even holding on so tightly...which leads me to the "fear of change" shadow meaning. I consider myself to be a survivor after living through a tumultuous childhood but never really caught on that sometimes change is good and the false sense of security I created by keeping these ideas, always led to the Tower effect...imaginary securities came crashing down around my ears and I was left not knowing why.

The problems or conditions that I avoid (like the plague, I might add) are those that force me to change...almost as if I might have some sort of control over these changes that are for the better just because I had no control as a child. I must realize that as an adult, the Universal Mind knows exactly what I need and if I would just let go of that false sense of control, I might find my life richer and more fulfilling.